Note to Self:

Good Ideas, I'm full of them

But not flush with the money needed to accomplish much of anything. The job hunt is always ongoing, not because I'm unhappy where I'm at... (hello co-workers reading my blog)... but because if something amazing comes along, I don't want to miss it. There are a couple of communities that I really would like to move to. But there is a big problem, a total lack of social services. I started thinking, rather than waiting for the job, why not go out there and create the program? I did a half assed attempt today to try and talk the uppitty-ups into expanding our services there. Not much luck.

It's kind of frustrating. I am sort of thinking that I should just write a proposal and see what happens. I have done my homework. The community had a 10.6% growth rate from 2001-2006 (judging by the number of new homes in the last few years, this rate has continued). It is serviced by 2 social service agencies, one who focuses on youth and another that focuses on homeless people. There are no services specifically for women except one small house for women fleeing abuse. What I want to propose is a women's drop-in centre for street women (providing basic needs) and a second stage housing/BC housing complex for women and children. You'd think I'd be able to talk my feminist social service agency into this....right? Anyone out there have secret skills in writing proposals? If so contact me.

you can do it!

My co-worker is also applying to a social work program (although at a different school). We were discussing my funding problem, and we both agree that if it's important to me, I will find a way to pay for school. I have contemplated moving to a less expensive apartment (unlikely), moving in with my dad (really unlikely) and putting a posting on sugardaddy.com (no freak'n way). But I am the sort of person that likes to fix my own problems and I don't like asking for help. So I have been doing internet researching on penny pinching tips.

It all started with a food budget. I stumbled along a series of blogs written by mom's with A LOT of kids. Like I-have-15-kids-and-want-more-if-it's-God's-Will kind of mom's. Interesting blogs to say the least. One blog that blew my socks was by a stay-at-home mom of 4 whose husband worked at Walmart, they survived on under $1000 a month. Because they wanted to live poor like Jesus did. INSANITY.

It seems the secret for these families for making their money go farther was to buy in bulk and not want too much stuff. Mom seemed to make everything from scratch and sew everyone clothes. I'm not too sure these are tips I can use. The only good tip I got was to meal plan, stick to a grocery shopping list, and only buy things on sale. I generally decide what I'm going to eat based on what I want to eat, not what was on sale.

The other tip that I will be forcing myself to follow is to eat the contents of my pantry. I'm not sure if it's genetic or not but I have a fully stocked pantry at all times. My Dad's has always been the same. I remember canning all summer and hoarding away food in preparation for the winter, just like a squirrel. I'm not sure why I am always expecting the end of civilization to strike. But rest assured that when it does, I will have tons of food on hand. I have even contemplated putting all of my canned goods in a tote in the cupboard with a can opener so that in the event that I need to grab food and run, I've got everything I need. Clearly I'm a total freak. But I think this is because of Hollywood. One of my favorite genres are "end of the world" dramas.

So what's this picture all about? Getting back to the idea of making things work if it's important to you....

The above picture is from a blog. picture 10 kids, 2 adults living in a 2 bedroom house. This was their solution, 2 industrial shelving units in a room with custom cut foam padding mattresses. They squished two of these racks into one bedroom and were able to house 9 kids. The 10th kid in case you were wondering is an infant and sleeps with mom and dad.

Frustrated!

Yup that pretty much sums it up.

In December I will be applying for the social work program. I have been planning everything (way in advance because that's how I tick). I'm more than a little worried that I can't afford to go back to school. Of course the whole point of going back to school is so I can get a better job. What a real kick in the pants it is to realize that I need to get the better paying job first.

The program is through distance education, which is good because it allows me to study while still working 2 jobs. I just realized that this means I will be repaying student loans and paying tuition at the same time! I SO cannot afford to do that!

How am I going to swing this? I have decided that my vacation/big purchase fund will be re-purposed. If I sacrifice a vacation next summer [no Hong Kong :( ] and don't buy anything out of the ordinary (like snow tires or a couch) I think I should have almost enough for tuition. My other plan of attack is to have a food budget. I don't know how much I currently spend on food/Starbucks, but I think it's probably too much. Because I have to eat gluten-free, I allowed myself to buy $7 loafs of bread. Not anymore. I have set a new limit $50 per week. Is this manageable? $200 per month sounds like a lot....

Having read online, I might be able to drop the budget lower, but I'm not willing to eat garbage just because it's cheap. People living on Food Stamps get $21 per week. Having read the blog experiments trying to survive on that, I know that's too extreme.

a hodge podge

I'm sure that I could stretch this out to 4 or 5 boring blog posts, but I might as well bore you all at once.

This would be a blog post about a piece of art I just bought. However, my camera doesn't work. A new camera is just one of many things on my wish list. Anyways, I was at my local VV Boutique looking at Halloween costumes when I spotted the print. I saw a man looking at the "art" section from about 40 feet away. I knew what I saw. An Inuit painting. (Yes, again my fixation with all things Nunavut.) Well the print is similar in style to this one:

Except mine is white, black, red and yellow. No hunting theme for me, it shows a community loading traditional sleds called qamutik's. It isn't signed, so I have no idea who it's by. Anyways, I watched the guy, and as soon as he walked away, I pounced! I was watching him so hard, he probably left because he felt uncomfortable.

You might be thinking that I should just move there since I'm obviously obsessed. So far I have applied to a couple postings, but haven't been called for any interviews. But now is not the time of year to move up there as the barges have stopped running for the year. Next spring, I may start applying again. For the last little while I have grown weary of working two jobs to make ends meet. For a long while I had only been applying to jobs that I felt I was well qualified for. I've pretty much given up on that and have started to apply to anything and everything.

When I was first starting college, I wanted to take social work. I was talked out of it, as there weren't a lot of jobs in the field at the time. This is a decision I regret making. I am tentatively planning to apply for social work school in the new year. In the meantime, I discovered that the Ministry of Children and Families doesn't require a social work degree. I always thought they did, and so I never applied for any social work positions. Not any more! A job posting came up in Nelson, and I was on it! I would love to move back to the Kootney's. We'll see! Think of all the hippies. I bet I'd be considered normal with my Celiac disease!

Okay back to VV boutique... I started looking through the clothes when I started thinking about bed bugs. Believe me, bed bugs are an epidemic in North America. Every month I sit through a health and safety meeting, inevitably the agenda includes bed bugs. This job is going to make me a germophobe. A house full of communicative diseases and absolutely no client awareness of how to stop the spread. Anyways, once I started to think of the good possibility that the clothing had come into contact with bed bugs, I didn't really want to shop anymore. So either stop shopping at thrift stores, or follow bed bug safety. Do at least one of the following:

1. the freezer- a couple of days oughta kill the buggers

2. the dryer- wash all clothing and put in the dryer on high heat

3. boil it- if you can't freeze or cook em, then boil for a least one minute

Also be suspicious of anyone giving away nice furniture. That's my public service announcement for the day.

Back into the fire

Well there were no campfires allowed due to the dryness of late summer. But camping was good nonetheless. Little did I know that the campsite was 5000 feet about sea level. It was very very cold. All I packed was tank-tops and shorts. I really needed to pack the winter survival gear! I spent one night shivering, and the next two I spent crammed into a tiny cabin.

Lots of wildlife was seen: moose, chipmunks, marmots, and rabbits. Although there were lots of fish jumping, no one caught any fish. My uncle chose to sleep in the back of his truck at the top of the road instead of in the cabin. In the middle of the night he felt something big bump against the side of the truck hard enough to wake him. After the second time, he opened the tailgail and shone his flashlight out to the left and to the right. He saw nothing and so went back to sleep. The truck was bumped around again after that. He decided that whatever it was probably couldn't get him in the truck and it was better to stay in the truck than wander around in the pitch black. Whatever it was very big.

In the morning he awoke to see that he was surrounded by 30 cows sleeping around his truck. The cows had been grazing in the night and were sticking their heads under the truck to get grass and while doing so were pushing the truck around! What a relief, since the most logical explanation was that a bear was trying to get in the truck.

But now I'm back to the craziness that is work. Friday the thirteenth. I saw the darkside, and it was scary as hell.

On Vacation

Leaving Rut-ville behind.

Welcome to Rut-ville!

Okay I admit it. I'm unhappy.


I feel like I'm in a massive rut with no easy way out. I tend to go through these cycles of contentment and then suddenly I'm in a rut. Once in a rut, I tend to make pretty big drastic decisions. What do these include?

1. Spending 9 months travelling across Canada.
2. Moving x 3
3. Applying for jobs in Iqaluit, Prince George, Nelson
4. Going back to school x 3
5. Changing jobs or careers x 2
6. Learning to drive 13 years late
7. Buying a car
8. Getting a cat x 2
9. Walking away from a bad friendship

Most of the above list I did fairly recently, and I don't regret any of them. -But it isn't enough. I'm back in Rut-ville. What do you do when you feel stuck? I have been working out like crazy, and trying to stay busy and do a bunch of job hunting in hopes that it will satiate my desire to make BIG changes. How do I stop this feeling from coming back every 6 months?

well at least I know...

I'm not sure if it's good news or bad news. I still have hives, everyday. I think I'm in the sixth week, but I kinda lost count. I went back to the doctor today to follow-up. Fifth Disease is the likely diagnosis. Knowing that it isn't a food allergy is the good news. It also explains why I suddenly have the arthritic hands of a 90 year old. The bad news is that it will last for MONTHS. Reading on the internet, it could last for Y-E-A-R-S! Deep breaths. It won't kill me.

I have resigned myself to waking up itchy and sleepwalking to my antihistamines. Apparently, my body is on high alert and will react to everything which is why I ended up looking like this:

Advil did this to me. This is me sitting in the ER waiting for the Doctor. He took pictures of me to show his students! I can't try Advil again for at least 3 months. I'm too scared to. It wasn't fun looking like a plastic surgery freak.

After a bit of internet learning, this virus is usually seen in little kids and is really mild and short lived. Often so mild that people are unaware they have the virus.

My new car!

Okay, well not this exact one. Mine is blue/grey. Initially I wasn't super keen on buying a domestic car; then I learned that the car isn't even built by Chevrolet- it is a Suzuki. It had everything I was looking for: super compact, air conditioning, and almost new. It actually works out better for me in the end to buy a car still on warranty and finance it rather than buy an older car. I have no car knowledge at all. I have trouble pumping gas. It made sense for me to buy a newer car and avoid the problems older cars have. I'm really happy with it.

Follow-up

I realized that I never updated the blog on a couple of things. Firstly the handy dandy device above which was meant to turn my tv into my computer screen. Turns out it was crap. I think that converting the signal just killed the quality of the picture. The picture was so distorted that the fonts were unreadable- too tiny and fuzzy. Plus another drawback was the number of cables running to and from the device. It was a spaghetti factory. If it could be done wirelessly, I would. The whole reason I bought it was because I planned to cancel my cable. I wouldn't be using my tv at all, so I thought I would re-purpose it. When I called the cable company to cancel, they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. So it was all for not.

Laptop Lunch box:

I would move the picture above down here if I could but for some reason, I can't move pictures anymore. I love my lunch box. If someone else hadn't already thought of blogging about their packed lunches, I just might have done it! I spend the whole morning looking forward to opening up my lunch box. My co-workers and clients crane their necks to see what I have today. After doing so, they are usually disappointed with their own boring lunches. There is much to be said for making your meals esthetically pleasing.


And then there were the hives...

It's been 3 weeks and I still have them a little bit. Nothing like they were before. After being on the really strict elimination diet for days I was no further ahead. According to the directions, after a day or two eating plain rice and veggies the hives should go away. They didn't, instead I developed something like arthritis in my joints. Wow, that was awful. Ever tried to not use your hands AT ALL? It's impossible. After all of that, it probably wasn't an allergy at all, but a virus. Hopefully it will just continue to get better. I'd cross my fingers, but they hurt.

Dreaming of yogurt

This is my punishment for giving up sugar. I got so cocky that I could give up sugar that the universe made me give up everything. Universe, I'm sorry.

The allergy elimination diet is so restrictive! I pretty much eat the same meal three times a day. Brown rice, fish, most fruits and veggies and hemp milk. That's it. It's working, the hives were significantly better, and today almost gone. So as long as I don't have hives tomorrow I will be adding in one new food tomorrow. It's a tough decision. I want to add something that will bring the most variety to my diet. I think I have finally decided on yogurt. I am craving it like mad. Or I'll add soymilk or corn tortillas ... or... or... It's sort of like that game- if you were on a desert island and could choose one food what would it be? Is it wrong that I kinda want to add candy?

10 days of hives

Yeah. It sucks.

I've never had a reaction like this before. I have looked at all the external things in my environment and have ruled out soaps etc. Today I have come to the realization that it is something I have lately been eating almost everyday. I thought I was in the clear yesterday, but this morning, the hives were back- full force.

I'm home sick today writing a food journal and researching elimination diets. Even in the darkest gluten-sickness days before I knew I had Celiac disease, I never kept a food journal. I'm not sure why I am so resistant to tracking what I eat. But I'm doing it now. I have figured out a couple of possibilities. I am now on the toughest diet ever. Basically brown rice, fish, fruits and veggies and water. That's it. No dairy, no soy, no gluten free breads, no eggs, no beans, no potatoes and no sugar. I do this until I don't have any hives and then add in one food every 3-4 days. It is recommended that that you wait 21 days before you add in any new foods. I know that I would never last that long, so I'm doing a variation.

HIVES!

Yeah, sadly I don't mean that sort of hive. I have had hives nearly everyday for the last week. It took a while for me to figure out that no, the cats don't have fleas, I have not been bitten by 100 mosquitoes, and there are no spiders in my bed. It began slowly, but by Saturday morning I woke up covered head to toe with my skin itching so badly it hurt. I got to work early because I knew there was Benadryl there. I spent the day drugged out, there is a good reason you aren't supposed to take it during the day. I'm glad my shift was 12 hours long, because I wouldn't have been safe to drive! I found it really hard to follow a conversation, it seemed everyone was talking for entirely too long and it was tough to pretend that I was able to follow along.

Yesterday, the hives were gone. But when I was heading to bed, I realized that I was itching again. Sure enough, the hives were back. So off I went to the pharmacy. This is very frustrating, I have never had a reaction like this before. I have gone through all of the usual suspects- laundry soap, shampoo, conditioner. I have now narrowed it down to a body wash, coconut or blueberries. I have a sneaking suspicion that there is something on the blueberries. I've certainly eaten a lot of them when they are in season, but I don't think I've ever bought the imported ones. Maybe a pesticide??

UPDATE: oh crappity crap. Turns out blueberries are on the dirty dozen list. The list of the most highly contaminated foods list. They contain up to 52 chemicals on them and their skin is thin enough that the chemicals get into the fruit and can't be washed off. After reading that, the blueberries are going into the garbage. 52 chemicals? I probably just gave myself cancer.

I'm sweet enough

Well it's been more than a week since I gave up sugar. Obviously it's impossible to not eat sugar at all. So maybe it's more accurate to say that I have cut out refined sugar. My co-workers thought I was setting myself up to fail by being too strict. It's not like I'm cutting out fruit because it has sugar in it. I'm just cutting out junk. I actually gave up sugary crap once before and felt much better for it.

So far things have been okay. It was a tough work week, with lots of adrenaline rushes, no time to eat and a heck of a lot of police action- so I pretty much couldn't have chosen a worst week to quit chocolate and sugar. But I did really well. I'm half way through the second week and feeling strong! I learned something too. The more sugar you eat, the less sensitive you become to the sweetness. I had a slip and made myself a hot chocolate last night, but I couldn't even drink it! It seemed so sickly sweet that I didn't want it. Before nothing was too sweet for me.

I also said goodbye to the pump of vanilla flavouring in my soy americanos at Starbucks. Shannon told me it could be done. She was right! At home, there is no more agave or honey in my morning coffee either. I don't notice that big of a change in taste. Previously when a barrista skipped the vanilla flavouring (sugar) I could hardly drink it.

The only disappointment: I had sort of expected my mood/energy level to remain constant throughout the day. I still have lows, and just don't have the skyrocketing highs. Oh well, I'm better off.

Lunch Box

Okay I admit it. I'm blogging up a storm because I'm avoiding something I don't want to do. I had planned to go the pool today and swim laps but.... I don't want to get in my bathing suit. Gah! It's raining so I'm not going for a walk along the boardwalk. I'll go use the depressing bunker/gym later today. Picture it: a small windowless cement room with a 7 foot ceiling crammed with exercise equipment. The ceiling is already low, but for some reason they added a huge ceiling fan in the middle. Even I have to duck going under it. Clausterphobics couldn't hack it in there.

Wait, this post is about my lunchbox. I'm oh so in love. I bought the above lunchbox minus the bag and water bottle. Its actually fun to pack my lunch. Although I can cook at work and eat anything I want out of the pantry, I don't. It's a Celiac's worst nightmare. The cross contamination is everywhere! The kitchen counters are butcher block; wood absorbs gluten and passes it on even after bleaching. Communal living means too many hands are touching the food. Food prep is done with gloves and following food safe, but those precautions aren't nearly enough to keep me gluten-safe. Prison food is high carb, so it's not surprising that my clients continue to eat carbs afterwards. I can put tofu in the fridge without putting my name on it and know with absolute certainty that no one will ever touch it. My food preferences are nothing like my clients or even most of my co-workers who seem to survive on Mr. Noodles and Wonderbread!

Unfortunately my lunch bag got contaminated with roast beef blood, so I was in the market for a new lunch bag. Luckily I remembered my old favorite blog "Vegan Lunchbox!" The mom who wrote it has mostly moved on the other ventures, but she used to pack her son's lunch in these lunchboxes and post pictures of his lunch. It was genius! She was creative and got her son to eat so healthy because his lunch looked good. Since the Canadian dollar was almost at par, and Vegan Lunchbox had a discount code, I ordered one for myself! Everyone who sees it comments on it. If you are interested, I have a link to her blog on the right. On her site she has a link to the company that makes the lunchboxes Laptop Lunchbox, be sure to use the discount code!

Withdrawl

At work I talk a lot about drugs. I'm not a drug and alcohol counsellor, but helping clients work through their addiction and encouraging them to stay clean is a big part of the job. Talking about recovery is a big part of the process. Too often the clients that don't talk about staying clean are already using. I'm always amazed to hear what people can overcome and see how much courage it takes to change. It's always easiest to stay they same, challenging ourselves to do something new can be tough. How can you live a clean lifestyle if you've never lived it, and commonly you're parents didn't either. Recently at work we were talking about how treatment centres ration sugar and serve decaf coffee. It's not uncommon for addicts to create a pseudo-high by getting a sugar and caffeine buzz. This got me thinking- I'm admittedly a chocoholic, but I think that I'm really a sugar junkie. A sell my soul for Swedish berries kind of girl. I love the zing I feel after eating something sugary. It's a sure-fire pick me up, but the crash is depressingly spectacular.

So I decided that if my clients can kick a 20 year crack addiction, I can kick sugar. Currently at day 3. There is no chocolate in my house, and I know this. For some reason I keep mindlessly looking in my secret chocolate hiding place. The hiding place was taught to me by my Nana. Her theory was if chocolate is kept in the freezer it will have to thaw before it can be eaten, and by that point, the craving will have passed. This theory was inherently flawed, I have no problems eating frozen solid chocolate!

The tricky part is the places that sugary treats hide, like cereal. Haven't we all learned that breakfast during the work week consists of cereal? The rest of the meals don't have such monotony for me, so why be boring with breakfast? (slap chop?) The best part is that I have a jumbo bag of gluten free corn pops in my cupboard, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with those. Although yummy, they don't satisfy for very long. I knew that I needed to find breakfast alternatives so I went off to my local Choices. $80 later I had one bag of groceries. sigh.... Groceries is one area I allow myself to not budget- gluten free vegetarianism isn't cheap. But even for me this seemed a shocking price. I picked up some Agave. It's a natural sweetener, sweeter than sugar so you use less and in theory doesn't give a sugar zing. At 3 times the price of honey, it will be used sparingly. I also picked up some Lara Bars. They are naturally sweet date bars. The ingredients are so simple dates, peanuts, salt- that's it, but so yummy. So I'll feed the sugar cravings with more natural sugars as they have a lower GI (glycemic index) and therefore don't affect blood sugar like sugar/corn syrup/high-fructose does.

I also thought I could fill the cravings buy drinking more tea. I really like tea, but tend to only drink it at home in the fall and winter. I probably have 15 types of tea on hand right now, obviously I must like it. I wonder why I only have 2 types of coffee although I drink it much more frequently? I picked up a extra spicy chai tea to add to the collection. I have a vague plan of switching to decaf coffee and drinking tea instead. Tea makes me feel good, and I secretly think tea drinkers are cooler than coffee whores.

Wish me luck. If you see me licking bags of sugar in the local Safeway then you know I've failed.

One of those days

Sometimes I really get sick of helping people.

I like it even less when I can't help someone because they aren't ready or because they're living in denial.

My ears are shut off, I don't want to hear anymore.

I'm not solving any more problems right now. If I had a closed sign, it would be posted.

I don't want to hear about you. I am surrounded by people who talk about themselves.

Okay, my rant is over. I feel better, tomorrow I'll be back to optimistic Hilary who has nothing but time to listen.

We're all thinking the same thing

Hottie of the Game

Well! I wasn't sure if the Canucks would have enough heat to make it through one more game. Thank goodness they did, because hiding in the ranks was this hot francophone! Steve Bernier. I'm not sure if he's a bad boy like O'Brien is, (Google O'Brien, he's been getting into lots of trouble in Vancity) but he made the cut tonight. Fingers crossed for game 6!