welcome back!

Yes it's true I'm back.

Lots of changes have happened since the end of the Hottie of the Game series ended. I quit the hellish job and got a new job that I love. I'm a whole lot happier.

The best part of the job is that from here I can go anywhere. I haven't really decided where I want to go. I have always wanted to move back to the Kootneys. I have been doing a little bit of research and stumbled on a blog that now I'm addicted to it. It is written by a gluten-free vegan clothing designer in Nelson. I envy her joie de vivre. It's all sunshine and lollipops. I'm a firm believer that everything works out in the end and that life is what we make it. For a while now she's been going on about The Secret. I've heard a lot of people talk about this self-help book, but thought it was too out there. I decided to give it a shot. Stay tuned.

On a side note, sometimes I wish I was less observant. Last week I shared an elevator ride with a prostitute and her john - aka my neighbour. It really has not helped me in anyway to know this about my neighbour. But what has been bugging me more is the look that she gave me. Misery. This middle aged south asian man and a strung out meth faced girl did not belong together, and she knew that I knew what was going on. Sigh... I love my apartment, I hate the neighbours.

Go Hotties Go!

Bobby Lou

Max Lapierre again. Sick obsession forming.

Ahhhhwww! Sweet and Hot

Burrows (again)

Stanley Cup Final Hottie Parte une

Maxim Lapierre. Sexy Frenchie, mais oui.

file it under cathartic

Today I overheard someone say "I can't do it! I'm too stupid" I immediately thought, "negative self talk, she's self -sabotaging". She soon gave up whatever she was trying to do and stormed off down the hall. I thought to myself, of course you failed, you told yourself you would.

We all have that voice that tells us we are stupid/wrong/worthless etc etc. About an hour after I overheard the lady being so hard on herself, I was replaying my day in my mind thinking how I could have answered questions differently, how I don't deserve x,y and z. I was remembering moments just so I could analyze the body language of the women sitting across the desk from me, wondering if they were pleased with me. Did they think I was a waste of time? Rather than be confident in my knowledge and experiences, I suddenly found myself thinking that they were disappointed in me, and how my responses might have been lacking or how I rambled on wanting to fill the silence as their pens jotted down every word. I thought to myself, "well, find a lesson in this, because you clearly blew it." I thought of the woman who left the office before me, she had a big smile on her face, looked so much more professional and in that moment seemed in every way better than me. She drove a lexus and wore high heels, so clearly she was better than me. It went on and on, the negative thinking. Then I snapped out of it, I literally told myself out loud "stop it". I did well, I said what I planned to say, I was poised and confident. Why prepare myself for disappointment? Why do I need to be disappointed at all?

It can be really hard to snap ourselves out of the negative thinking. It just sneaks in there! An hour later it was back. And so I'm blogging my way through it. I used to have a little internal mantra that I would repeat to myself at a concert while I waited for the curtain to go up. "I am awesome, I am awesome, I am Hilary". It drowned out the other voice. But I never really believed it, and after a while I stopped performing.

Today, I was asked to list some of my strengths and it was very hard for me. Don't we learn early on to be humble and not to toot our own horn? It's as if no one will like you if you do toot your own horn. What a terrible thing to learn, men don't learn this, and it helps them in the job field. I sat with a volunteer just last week and pointed out to her all of her skills and experiences and how she needs to be putting them on her resume and talking about them in interviews. I think she's amazing! How silly, that I can't do the same for myself!

Negative thinking is a huge problem for me. But, I'm working on it. Since the concept of wellness has been on my mind so much, I keep finding so many topics that I would like to cover. So many of my clients are victims of their own negative thinking. Sometimes, I wonder how they don't see it. But then it's always easier to recognize self sabotaging behaviours in others. The real challenge is changing the way we think about ourselves.

you tell me which one is the hottie

photo credits : http://www.nardwuar.com/

I have an idea and almost a plan

My friend Krisztina has a life coach and has told me so much about this amazing woman. I was intrigued by this life coach as she seemed to have a holistic approach that seemed to affect a positive change in all parts of my friends life. I had been thinking that this might be something that I could benefit from, but the cost is too much for me right now. This part of my life seems to be a time of never ending transition and I think a life coach could help me get to where I want to be. I am not very happy in what I am doing anymore and am thinking of making a change, but I don't really know what I want to do, but I have a sense of it being less ... confined? Is that the word I'm looking for? I'm sick of doing what I am told to do. Working for a very hierarchical organization, so often the direction of the organization or even of my job is on a need to know basis.



I had been thinking about the possibility of blogging professionally. I know, you are thinking how inconsistent I am in blogging. Why do I think I might be able to do it as a job? Part of the reason I am inconsistent with this blog is because it's theme is personal, and given my job, putting personal stuff out there isn't maybe my best bet.



I was thinking about doing a blog based on living abroad, of course, I don't live abroad, and don't really have any expertise in that area. And then I started thinking about wellness, an area I do know a lot about. My friends life coach has an online self-help 12 week course which focuses on personal development. I was thinking of doing something similar- teaching people the importance of taking care of themselves and maintaining a healthy life work balance. At my last workplace, this was important to all of the team. I really got in to the habit of consistent self-care and we encouraged this in each other. My current workplace is an example of the opposite. Everyone is sickly- like serious autoimmune diseases attacking their bodies. They have no concept of life/work balance, poor coping skills and don't do anything to take care of themselves. Toxic people, I don't want to be around them. Unfortunately, they really have no interest in changing the negatives and don't see how their lifestyle can make them sick. This is really not my audience. I'm thinking that my audience is professionals and maybe moms. Moms often take care of everyone else and can neglect themselves in the process.




I am already a fan of web pages with this theme. I found a website that teaches newbies how to meditate via an online or mp3 downloadable course that includes videos, homework projects and self exploration. The most amazing thing of all is that it's 100% free. I have no idea how such a well developed website can operate for free. It's less than a year old, and I wonder if it will change. Many of the websites that claim to focus on wellness are websites about dieting. Wellness is so much more.




I'm in the research phase, and web page building skills is really my weakness. Marketing I can do, content development I can do. I have all the drive and ambition in the world, but sometimes think that I can't do something. A negative way of thinking that is really just a form of self-sabotage. Whining about my life is pointless, I am perfectly capable of making change happen.





The reason for this blog post, is 1. to put my intention out there, and 2. to reach out to all you smart blog readers. Does anyone have some website design skills that they would be willing to share? Does this concept sound like a stupid?

A Double Shot of Hot

Okay and we're back being able to post pictures. What a game! I was madly driving home and missed the first three goals. I'm pretty sure the people driving behind me thought I was having a seizure. It's not easy to celebrate a goal while driving. Why did I wait so long to post a picture of Bieksa? He's been doing great! I just didn't want to overload you with the hotness. Don't worry Burrows, soon you will get a Hottie of the Game post all to yourself.

We're almost there, we could be as little as 5 games away from the cup. Oh, the riot. We Canucks are going to be more destructive than a hurricane hitting a trailer park. Either way, it's going to be memorable.

Is anyone else curious to see what the security is going to be like next to the penalty box in Vancouver? Me thinks there will be no more shenanigans or flashers.

And The Hottness Continues

A serious concern, if the Canucks keep on winning, I may run out of hotties. But this time blogger is preventing me from uploading pictures. A bug that needs to be worked out? Anyhoo, my hottie of the game is Bieksa....

Happy Birthday This Hottie's for You!

Moving on to the third round mostly because of this hottie.

Hottie for the last game

I'm sorry Kesler. You deserved to be my hottie of the game on Thursday. Sadly Shaw cable suckith. It took 3 weeks to get internet and when they arrived this morning they were still confused. Why is it so hard to disconnect the previous tenant and reconnect me? I faxed you my lease agreement 2 weeks ago. I swear, I am not the person who used to live here. Why aren't you aware that I returned your modem and PVR two months ago to the Shaw office in Chilliwack. Oh, you have cable, and phone already set up, why am I here? For internet? But don't you want the phone and cable? This isn't your account?

Good lord, just give me internet! I have a back log of hotties!

All work and no internet makes for no hotties

Game 3

Sorry loyal readers, this puck bunny is too tired from moving to even think about who was the hottie of the game. There are two good things to report, besides moving to my fancy new place: I have free cable tv, and I'm able to poach someones wireless signal. Hope this keeps up for a while! I kinda like not having any utilities. Until game 4....

Game 2 hottie (...?)

It's an unlikely pick for the hottie of the game, isn't it. But those teeth make Fin fall into the "bad-boy" category. Everyone loves a bad boy. Truth is, I expect a long playoff run, and I can't post all of my amazing pictures in the first round. We started off with a bang, and I know that everyone is just going to scroll down past this post to drool over Petr.

It's getting hot in here

Oh yes. It's hottie of the game time. I know you've all been dying to see who would be the first hottie of the 2011 season. And now you are wondering "who the hell is that?" Well it's Petr Sykora. He's not a Canuck, but how the hell could I not post this picture? Where did I find this gold? On a gay hockey fan page. It's a website that's so NSFW. I didn't think that any one player stood out in game one. No one made the cut. Thank goodness for Petr.

universally speaking?

Well, it is an obsession. I can't really help it. Having lived in just about every province, I feel I need to live in the arctic so I can tick off that box on my "to-do" list. With all of my stuff in boxes already, I sort of feel like renting a storage locker and taking off.

Oh, yes. It is almost as far away as I can get (in Canada). I'm not sure if that has some sort of deeper meaning of not. Although I think part of the charm is moving to a place that few people have seen. I think it would be a fun challenge to purchase a years worth of food in advance and wait for it to arrive on a barge. Do you have any idea how many rolls of toilet paper you would need? I can think of some Nunavut bloggers who know that answer. Imagine living without a cell phone and commuting to work on a skidoo or ATV. I've lived in some teeny tiny hamlets, but there has always been the option of driving down the road to the "big city." But with no 'big city' to escape to, you'd be forced to really engage in the community. And living on the ocean would be great.

Ahhh...

Well maybe I'm over romanticising a place I've never seen. But, sooner or later it's going to happen, and I'll be scared shit-less to leap, but I will. And this sad little blog will really be something worth reading! It will become the crazy rantings of a homesick cabin-fevered cat lady.

another moving post. Seriously

I'm knocking things off my "to-do" list left, right and centre. Today the first load of boxes made it to the final destination, I put in a change of address and have rented a PO Box. To avoid having to change my address twice in 2 months, I decided to rent a PO Box near work and manually change my address again when I have a new home. It cost more than I thought, but it's a lot less work and I kinda like being even less findable. Not that I think someone would hunt me down, but I prefer to remain a lady of mystery. I think this is pretty good considering I also worked and spent another joyful 3 hours commuting to and from work.

I am bracing for snow-mageddon or snow-pocalypse tomorrow. I have about 10 things on my to do list for tomorrow. Dropping off donations, buying paint to do touch ups, figuring out my cellphone options, and more packing and more moving. But depending on how badly the world grinds to a halt, I may opt to be a shut-in and eat chocolate and watch hockey. Or "1 girl, 5 gays" I love that show. I love Yerxa!

There is a point to the pointless post. And that is: if you are ever planning on mailing me something, ask me for my new address.

it's on

My car is loaded up with boxes. It's official, I am in the process of moving. This move is so different from last time. My last place required 2 months notice. I took my time packing and was really, really organized. I didn't want miscellaneous boxes, every box had a theme to it. I waited until the last moment to pack my kitchen. This time is pretty much the opposite. I made the decision to move on Friday, it's now Thursday and most of my stuff is packed. I have several miscellaneous boxes, and boxes that don't have any labels. I'm sure this will bite me in the butt in the future. I decided that I should pack all of my dishes and cutlery asap. I'm so busy with packing, that the dirty dishes were piling up. It's already my least favorite chore, so I am going 100% disposable until I move. I am giving myself a dishwashing vacation! But fear not. I bought 100% recycled biodegradable stuff with exception of the cutlery. I don't like wooden cutlery. One splinter in my lip was all I needed to learn that lesson!

I've been downsizing a lot. I would like to live in an ultra-modern minimist space. I am not there yet, but packing while watching Hoarders is a good motivator! I try really hard to stick to the rule that if you haven't used it in a year and don't have plans to use it immediately, then get rid of it. Only once or twice have I actually gone out and purchased the same item again. One was a juicer and the other was a manual food processor. The juicer was a mistake, I love it (all over again) but the food processor is so cheap that I have no regrets having to purchase it again. The replacement one is currently sitting in my "to donate" box. It's not worth storing it for the few times a year I use it.

There are a few big items I want to get rid of but there is always someone who thinks I'm crazy. I always feel trapped by my big belongings. I don't like asking for help, and with big furniture, I will never be able to move without help. So far I have said goodbye to my couch, bed frame and big coffee table. I'm thinking of getting rid of my BBQ for the same reason. It's like new- because it's undercover, and because I don't eat meat or put anything directly on the grill. I don't really need a full size BBQ. I'd be perfectly happy with a small one that I can also take with me camping. It's even harder to make decisions when I don't know what my future home will be like.

By the end of this I'm going to trade my bed for a foamy and have all my worldly possessions wrapped in a square of fabric at the end of my fishing stick.

there is a season....

According to New York Life 13% of parents say that at least one of their adult children has moved back home in the last year and adult children are living with their parents for longer. Of course I want to be "on trend". I have made the huge decison to move back in with the 'rents. The move is partly financial, partly geographical and partly crazy. It's been a decade since I lived at home, so this should be interesting.


So clear your calendars towards the end of march so you can help me move!


Just like 2 years ago, I am changing jobs, moving and going insane all at once. I've started the new job and am suffering with the change. It is not the job I thought I was interviewing for, and instead is exactly what I didn't want. The job description changed after I accepted. I'm torn between trudging through and learning to love it, or continue to job hunt and network my way outta here. Time will tell....

In happier news I have decided what my purpose in life is! No small thing let me tell you. My purpose in life is to give as much to the universe as I take from it. Luckily there are a lot of ways to give back. My goal is to give and recieve equally in all areas. I tend to give too much in one area and recieve nothing in another. I want to be balanced. Oh so new age-y isn't it? I love it!

It's not me, it's you

I recently learned that someone really really dislikes me. I don't really care very much, I won't lose sleep wondering why and how I can win them over. This person just isn't important to me and I probably wouldn't be very successful at convincing them of my awesomeness anyways. I sort of wonder how long ago this hatred started brewing, and why someone even bothered to build-up that much anamosity towards me. Let's be honest, what's not to love about me? It seems like a waste of time to hate someone and for them not even to know it.

This is a lesson I learned a long time ago. I was really angry at someone, and would lay in bed at night losing sleep thinking about how much I wanted bad things to happen to her. This went on for months (on and off). One day I saw her and she was completely oblivious to my hatred of her. I realized that she hadn't lost a minute of sleep wondering how to win me back as a friend. In fact, she hadn't even got the memo that we weren't friends anymore. All that time wasted envisoning tragedies befalling her were a complete waste of time. The only one punished was me! Maybe if I had let her know right from the start, she could have shared in the misery. Like a Carlton card that reads "Just a note to let you know, My hatred of you continues to grow".

I don't carry that anger anymore, it felt pretty pointless. But I do kind of feel bad for the person carrying around so much hate for me. I never felt good about myself when I was hating on my ex-friend, and I can't imagine my hater is very happy either. And so I wish for my hater that one day they can let the anger go because it's not hurting me. I even wish my hater good things.